Two boys were walking home from Sunday school.
After hearing a strong preaching on the devil,
one said to the other, ‘What do you think about all this Satan stuff?’
The other boy replied, ‘Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out.
It’s probably just your Dad..’
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl
whispered to her mother, ‘Why is the bride dressed in white?”
The mother replied, ‘Because white is the color of happiness,
and today is the happiest day of her life.’
The child thought about this for a moment then said,
‘So why is the groom wearing black?’
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers.
The first boy says, ‘My Dad scribbles a few words
on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.’
The second boy says, ‘That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words
on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.’
The third boy says, ‘I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words
on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!’
An elderly woman died last month.
Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers.
In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote,
‘They wouldn’t take me out while I was alive,
I don’t want them to take me out when I’m dead.’
A police recruit was asked during the exam,
‘What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?’
He answered, ‘Call for backup.’
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.
A small child replied, ‘They couldn’t get a baby-sitter.’
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to ‘Honor thy father and thy mother,’ she asked,
‘Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?’
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, ‘Thou shall not kill.’
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings.
Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, ‘Johnny, what is the matter?’
Little Johnny responded, ‘I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.’
Sermon works with the hymn…
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”
With even greater emphasis, he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”
And then, finally, he said, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.” He sat down.
The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a pleasant smile, “For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365…
‘Shall We Gather At the River.'”
Joan invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?”
“I wouldn’t know what to say,” the girl replied.
“Just say what you hear Mommy say,” Joan answered.
The girl thought for a minute, then bowed her head and said, “Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”
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